The simple answer is yes, we are not all tarred with the same brush, though we all have one main thing in common and that is the need to give control to someone else. We crave the feelings that come from the power exchange, no matter what form it takes, from physical play sessions to a request to serve tea to the Dominant, and anything in between.
There are various ways of describing each type of submissive –
The psychological submissive gets her reward from the physical act of submission, and can often have masochistic tendencies, liking harder play than most. This submissive is into it for the pain and humiliation and often sees these activities as a punishment, which gives her the release she craves.
Quite often a psychological submissive is only a part time player, having another life completely and keeping both sides of her life separate from each other.
The sexual submissive is also sometimes described as the immediate submissive, and her need is filled by the consequences of her submission, in other words the sexual satisfaction or gratification she feels from submitting to a Dominant. Sometimes it can be a release from guilty feelings that she likes these activities, sometimes she just simply craves the endorphin rush and once it has passed, she feels no need to continue to be submissive.
The natural submissive is also known as the true submissive and usually has slavish tendencies. Her submission goes way beyond the sexual side of things and is more a part of her intrinsic personality. Her deep need is to relinquish control, and to please the Dominant in all ways, and her fulfilment is the very act of submission in all forms.
During my research for this article i came across a good analogy of describing the different types of submissives:
Submission is like drinking a glass of water:
The Immediate submissive might have water only when she eats curry. She doesn’t do it for itself really, she drinks it because it makes the curry much better, cleanses the mouth, cuts the fire, makes her able to eat more. She wouldn’t think of drinking water without the curry.
The Psychological submissive drinks water because she likes it. Sure she will drink it with curry, but she’ll drink it with roast beef, she’ll drink it with sandwiches, she’ll drink it without food at all – because she likes the taste, the way it flows down the gullet, the cleansing feel.
The slave/natural submissive is someone in a hot climate. She has to drink water. Nothing else does the job. She can try wine or beer or sweet drinks, but when push comes to shove she must have clean water, because the others don’t cure the thirst. They might allay it some but when the heat is very fierce, water is the only solution.
It is also important to remember that there can be combinations of the different types in the one person, it is not as clear cut as simply describing a submissive as any of the three definitions given. Within those definitions there are many variations and combinations. Submission can take many forms, and there is no right and wrong. If the basis of the relationship is a power exchange between the parties concerned, then whatever feels right to those people involved,is indeed a Dominant/submissive relationship.
Can you learn to be a submissive or is it natural?
People can learn to act submissively, this is called role playing or bottoming, where a person who may not be submissive all the time, will act in a submissive manner, to a certain Dominant, for an agreed amount of time in a play session.
There are many people who do just that, masochists often fall into this category.
A masochist is not always submissive but will act submissively in order to get the play he or she craves. There are, however, some submissives who are also masochists.
Some people are natural submissives or true submissives, these people do not learn to act in a submissive manner, they simply ARE submissive. A submissive may undergo training to learn the correct way of doing things for her Master or Dominant, but the basics of her submissive nature are already there.
She submits because it is a need deep within her soul, not for any other reason.
Written by Kim (MJ)